OK This is just FUCKED UP...it hurts...a lot and there isn't a darned thing that I can do about it. Warlock, our oldest black cat, has had a kitty cold for the last week, week and a half. No big deal they all get them and get over them, he isn't and had to go to the vet this morning. It is a cold and no big deal...the kidney failure on the other hand is a big fucking deal, seriously I know he is 17 years old but this sucks the big one. So, there is the hurt part, he isn't going to get better, this is terminal. The vet called this evening and he has fluid building around his heart as if the kidney failure isn't enough. He was dehydrated and they put him on fluid to build him up and its too much for his heart, he is having trouble breathing. They are backing up on the fluid and hoping that it will ease, we all talked this afternoon and agreed that his comfort comes before all of ours. When he goes he goes when he is ready and we don't try to make him stick around...we don't want him to go.
I want to scream and stomp and tell them to fix it NOW and I can't, because they can't. His time is coming and I'm not ready to say goodbye and I don't want to.
I want him to come home and howl over his pile of toys telling everyone else that they are his and only his and no body else is allowed to touch them. I want him to head butt me and the girls and purr while he's doing it, I want to yell at him while he chews on Boo's neck.
I want my friend back and now I have to say goodbye...God I need you to listen because he is a special cat and I love him.
Please take him quick and don't let him hurt and hold him tight, he loves cat nip and BBQ sauce and draping himself over someone, heck, everyone and letting them tell him how beautiful he is. He loves waiting until someone moves from the couch or chair and taking the warm spot and looking innocent when we come back. He has the loveliest soul and I will miss him everyday of every year. Anyone who tells me he is just a cat needs to think, do I tell you that a family member is not important...he knew when I was sick and made me feel better and when I was upset and cuddled with me until I wasn't. He celebrated every holiday with us and that is family and he will be missed when he goes.
UPDATE : The vet called at 10:45, Warlock was going down hill and was having so much trouble and was hurting so we told him to let him go. I hurt so much and then we had to tell my sister...he was her cat first and she was crying. I hate this and he went without any of us there but we were all thinking about him and loving him so much. I feel like a piece of my heart died.