seliki: (introspective Daniel)
([personal profile] seliki Jul. 18th, 2012 08:58 pm)
Ok some days are better than others and then there are the days that suck so bad that I spend most of them in the corner crying. I never cried this much when my mom died but I expected to outlive her, I think that is the difference. I never expected to outlive Robbie, this is actually the nightmare I have lived with my whole life...outliving my sister.

Anyone who have younger sibs knows what I am talking about..the horror of knowing that they are gone!! You failed in taking care of your sister/brother like you have been told to do your whole life. Older Sibs you know exactly what I mean, you probably say it to your own kids, "take care of your sister/brother".

My sister had bronchitis every year from the time she was 2 years old, when the temp dropped below 50 degrees the hospital would have a room open in the peds unit for her. I was used to watching her and telling when she was having problems breathing, watching when she needed help. Not that the little snotwad would tell me but that was my keep her breathing until help got there. Boy howdy did that not happen this time and all I could do was hold the kids and keep the screaming internal. I hate sounding like a pity party but it has to come out somehow and this is it. I get the live my worse nightmare, its hard, it hurts and I need a whole lot of time to get my mind wrapped around this. To be continued...


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