Alright went back to a former employer, I'm working through a temp agency right now and jobs are sparse. I enjoy this employer a lot, all I have to do is data entry, I can spend the whole day typing, snacking and listening to my tunes in a quiet and stress free environment.
I was called back this past Friday and was glad of it I need to get busy outside of the house and my family. These people are wonderful and several walked up to me and gave me hugs right off the bat and inquired on how I was doing. I told the truth, I was doing fine for the moment. If someone tells you that they are doing fine and seem to believe it after a close loved one dies...believe them but know it is only for that moment, that hour or that day. It takes time and contrary to belief time does heal, somewhat, kinda. You heal but it comes with a great big damn scar, it stretches and itches and aches...a lot. Every death gives you a new one, some small, some...well Titanic size comes to mind. I have 2 of those, one is recent and one is from 1995 and looks like a mom with black hair, green hazel eyes and a big loving smile.
Ouch that one hurts, but the new one...its fake red hair but she loved it, green hazel eyes *got those from mom* a long stride and another huge, beautiful, cocky smile.
Both her girls got the smile, one has her eyes and the other has sky blue and I don't know what I would do without them. I feel like I'm being silly them I remember a friend telling me to grieve, not to bottle it up, my sister is gone and I need to get that off my chest. Thanks pal I needed that.